What did you do before AI, grandpa?

Three decades of Photoshop funnies.

First off, I want to make it clear that I'm not actually a grandpa. But I am pretty dang old, and was recently reflecting on just how long I've been making goofy Photoshop compositions. Even though my main passion (and true talent) has always been writing, I've long enjoyed the act of digitally stitching together incongruous elements into whimsical illustrations.

As you can imagine, I often find myself griping and groaning and shaking my fist at the incredibly annoying AI-generated slopsplosion that's nearly unavoidable these days. Whenever I see yet another anthropomorphized baby animal or sexy fruit-person polluting my feed, I can't help but think about the countless hours I've spent meticulously compositing, masking, arranging, and blending images together to make my little amusements.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that these aren't particularly amazing examples of digital art — although I've been a designer almost as long as I've been a writer, I am in no way a master visual artist (or even a competent draughtsman, some might argue). Like most college students, there was a brief period where I tried my hand at drawing, painting and sculpture, and I soon realized that I was remarkably mediocre at it. But my decent compositional eye and impressive technical skills have thankfully kept me gainfully employed as a graphic artist ever since I abandoned the penurious world of journalism in a desperate search for a livable wage.

Still, I love my Photoshop funnies, even if it's slightly disconcerting to realize that I've been making them for over 30 years now. It's a harmless compulsion, after all, and one of the better forms of procrastination I employ when trying to avoid wrestling with my latest work of fiction. 

And so, without further ado, I present a historical sampling of my oddball creations, which I can assure you were created entirely without the use of AI (with one glaring exception) and almost certainly under the influence of one substance or another.

The Early, Angry Young Man Political Memes

Oh, I was so full of righteous indignation at the state of the world back then! Surely the George W. Bush presidency was the low point of American democracy — it had to be. I mean, there was no way it could get worse than this, right?

And who could forget the target-rich environment of the Mitt Romney presidential campaign? (Other than everybody, I mean.) I suppose this one is more amusing if you recall Mitt's propensity for putting his pooch on top of the family car for long road trips. And also his promise to defund Sesame Street. It was a complicated time!

The From-the-Heart Pet Collages

I did a few of these, but this was definitely the best of the lot. I made this for the memorial of a friend's wonderful and much-beloved dog Sula, who relished chasing squirrels. She was a very good dog indeed, and deserving of the best afterlife a designer could possibly imagine.

The Surreal Trifles Made Solely to Amuse Myself

Sometimes an idea pops into my head, and I just can't rest until I get it out. I feel like these are mostly self-explanatory (yes, that is Eli Manning's face fused to the forehead of his brother, and no, I didn't have to artificially extend Peyton's forehead to make it fit). The David Cronenberg RATS poster was inspired by this very weird behavioral study.

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The "Products that Really Should Exist" Files

I had a friend who was traveling through the South and mused in our group chat that he wished he had a T-shirt that celebrated the 3rd Amendment, just to confuse his fellow Stuckey's patrons. So I made him one.

The Current Sadness

Can you tell that much of my oppositional energy has been drained by years of disappointment? Don't get me wrong, I couldn't despise our current president more — but at the same time I feel like he's barely worth the effort, and mostly want to ignore him until he eventually dies in prison. Still, sometimes I can't resist the urge to throw the cretin into a random sex dungeon or turn him into an (even more) hideous creature.

I do have to admit, however, that his razing of the East Wing of the White House, where over a dozen First Ladies carried out important work and made history for nearly a century, did infuriate me more than usual, and so I worked out my seething anger by constructing this visual tribute.

The AI Commentary

Finally, this represents the one and only time I've used Adobe's generative AI features when creating a Photoshop funny (based on the painfully widespread Norman Rockwell "Freedom of Speech" meme). And even then, the only parts of the composition I generated were the men's faces in the back, specifically because I wanted them to have that creepy, misshapen AI look. All of the other elements were composited from real-life images.

Of course, today I wouldn't even use it for that (an attitude that is shared by most digital artists I know). When AI tools were first released I admit that I played around with them, mostly for satirical purposes such as this. But now that we're at the end stage of this idiotic, destructive AI bubble I'm completely done with the technology. I never employed it in my writing, obviously, but now I don't want it within a hundred miles of my creative life at all. I'll keep making my absurd little digital collages using my mid-level design chops and idiosyncratic sense of humor, thank you very much.